I was birthed into the adult world via college graduation 5 months ago and have officially lived in NYC for over three months now. Not very long I know. BUT my world has changed drastically and beautifully in these last few months. My eyes have opened to how my adult life and the world work. I’m figuring it out every minute of every day. It’s truly exhilarating how many things you learn by simply doing. I’ve learned more than I every anticipated and it’s not slowing down anytime soon. I’ve learned about myself, my body, my mind, my heart, my spirit. I’ve learned about other places, people, responsibility, and FOOD…so much good food. I’ve learned about this crazy beautiful city, the subway system, the buses, jobs, auditions, weather, money (HAHA). I’ve learned about people…especially considering we all commute, walk, work, eat, talk, cry, pee, live about 2 feet away from each other AT ALL TIMES.
I’ve compiled a short list of few of the MANY things I’ve learned in the short time I’ve been an adult…when’s initiation?
Enjoy!
You’re the only person that is in charge of your own life and decisions
I think this is something that is a hard one to grasp especially in a culture so connected to each other. We are constantly tweeting, posting, texting about every little detail of our lives proving to the world wide web that we are ALIVE and doing something. Social media instills in us that we have something to prove. Our life is ours. It shouldn’t matter what others will think you are doing or how you are living your life…it’s yours! Live your happiness and share it with those around you, not the internet. I’ve had to learn that no matter how many people I ask for advice from, I am the ultimate decision maker when it comes to my life. We cannot base our opinions, choices or happiness on what other people ‘suggest’ or are doing themselves. Some decisions, as hard as they may be, are meant for you to figure out on your own. These decisions are part of your path and what’s wonderful is no path is ever going to be the same.
2. You are never better than anyone else, any job, etc.
This is a big one. Confidence is a beautiful thing that should be embraced BUT the minute confidence turns into thinking you are better than a job, another person, a class, etc, you need to rethink your confidence. We are young. We are still figuring things out so why not embrace every opportunity handed to us as small or large as it may be? The minute you get up on that high horse you stunt your growth.
3. Self-care is crucial
I struggle with this one. We have basic survival instincts that aide us everyday but seem to immediately fail us when we become overwhelmed with work. We suddenly forget to sleep, eat or take care of ourselves in any sense of the word. Americans put so much emphasis on work. We go to school to work, we work to get promoted so we can work more to retire where we still want to work…we are born to work. Great. Sure. Don’t forget to take care of yourself. In order for your body, mind and spirit to remain healthy, you need to fuel them. Find things that fuel your happiness and put aside time in your day or week to do them. Be honest to yourself and your family/friends about what you need to keep being you. Ask for help, budget your money, take a yoga class and handle it.
4. Doing what you love and what’s best for you takes sacrifice
There was a moment right before I left for New York where I felt so much anger. I knew I was ready and excited to move but I was mad at myself for wanting to move. Why did I want to move across the country to a place where I had few friends and was away from my family? To this day, I wish I could answer this question. All I can say is, doing what you love takes sacrifice. Whether it’s acting, an internship, a new job, a relationship…there is always some sort of sacrifice involved when making a major change. Spending holiday’s away from your family, avoiding beginning a new relationship, skipping out on going out with friends…those are all examples of sacrifices we are sometimes forced to make. FOMO affects me deep down to the core so accepting these sacrifices has been hard. Just remember what you are striving for – what is the thing that makes you tick – is it worth sacrificing for?
My favorite quote is by Cheryl Strayed. She says, “You have to be brave enough to break your own heart”. This can apply to so much. It is hard to make a decision you know will make you sad but usually it is the bravest choice. Be brave! Love is always worth sacrificing for whether it be love of yourself, love of another or love of your passion.
“You have to be brave enough to break your own heart.” – Cheryl Strayed
5. The best way to figure out life is to just do it
This is something that I remember being told through college but never understanding. There is only so much you can learn about post-grad life without every experiencing it and that’s okay! The best way to learn is to jump in and pray. Everything is improv…we’re all just trying to figure it out. There will be days where you think ‘wow what the hell am I doing with my life?’…I promise you, you’re doing something even if it’s simply figuring out what your next step is.
6. You have to be your own motivator/personal trainer No one is going to tell you where to go, what to do, what time to wake up, what food to eat, to get to work, etc. That’s all you baby! With great power comes great responsibility…meaning: in order to avoid becoming a lazy unhealthy slob, you need to become your own motivator. You need to be the one setting your alarms, getting your butt to classes & work, filling your days with healthy creatively and intellectually stimulating things so that you avoid plateau-ing at all cost.
7. There are more genuine people in the world than we are told there are
I can honestly say I have met more genuinely caring humans in the past five months than I think I ever have before. That scary ‘dog eat dog’ ‘cutthroat’ mentality has ceased to appear to me (thus far). As an actor, I was constantly told to expect to run into competitive people who were so focused on their own ambition they wouldn’t have time to be nice. Maybe I’m just staying away from these people by chance because I’m sure they exist but every single person, especially actor, I have met here has been welcoming, loving, friendly AND ambitious. We are all in this huge lonely city trying to accomplish the same thing. No one is out to get you. Another thing – no one has time to talk shit about others; and if they do, no one else has time to listen.
The select few negative people I have encountered I have simply avoided. Another amazing thing we forget to realize is – YOU DONT HAVE TO BE FRIENDS WITH EVERYONE. Those people I have met that I can tell I wouldn’t jive with…Great…I acknowledge and respect them but from a distance. There is no need to keep negative people in your life simply because you think you have to. Why waste time surrounding yourself with negative people when you could be with your true friends or even by yourself?
8. You will never have enough money so buy that $5 matcha latte if it will make you happy
Seriously. Money is fleeting. This is your life. You will never ever ever have enough money. Spend money on experiences not things. That’s all I have to say about that.
9. You’ll find your forever friends and you’ll make time for them
Quality over quantity. Life is hectic and busy and it doesn’t seem like it’s slowing down anytime soon (which is a gift BUT). Making friends is hard and slightly awkward but you WILL find your people. Like I said previously, you don’t have to be friends with everyone – there are some people that come into your life for a brief chapter and others who stay til the end. That’s okay! Find those forever friends and make time for them at all cost. I am currently happily in a long distance friendship with my bff since kindergarten. We talk on the phone maybe every few weeks but I know that at any moment she would be there for me and I, her. Distance or time has no effect on the important people. Forever friends are out there. The best way to figure out who those people are, is by seeing who will make time for you too. Always make time for the people who mean most to you even if it’s simply a 30 minute coffee date just to see each other’s faces every few weeks.
10. I think it’s okay to cry on the subway…or at least I’m okay with it
In a place where I’m constantly surrounded by humans, I’ve learned to embrace and create my own ‘fake’ privacy. Headphones are great. Face in your scarf. Cry and don’t look up until you get to your stop. Crying is healthy and believe me, this city will probably make you cry at least a few times on the subway. Multiple people have attested to that so I’m not the only weird one I promise.
11. Look up from your damn phone This can be interpreted two ways. First off, you will get hit by a bus Regina George OR have serious neck problems. Second, there are days where I move from one thing to the next, constantly in fear I am going to be late to something and barely having enough time to eat (see #3 self care). These are the days where it is not til around 830pm when I have sat down for the first time that I realize what a beautiful day it was. The weather was great, I got so much done, I’m alive, etc. I then wish I had appreciated my day long before 830pm at night. If you need to say ‘no’ to something so you can have a day to yourself to simply live, DO IT. Stop looking at your phone, stop rushing, fill your schedule but leave room for growth. Look around, look around…seriously. The world is beautiful and beauty is meant to be appreciated. Breathe in and out and feel the oxygen going through your lungs. Feel the wind, hear the sounds, see the people around you, look up!
12. Single but not looking to mingle
You are absolutely allowed to feel lonely and tweet sad love song lyrics at 1230 am at night after watching the show ‘Easy’ on netflix and realizing how single you really are then proceed to drunkenly download bumble for some swiping. Live in that truth pleeeaaaaassseeee. We have trouble comparing ourselves to other people especially when it has to do with their relationships. People are in love, getting engaged and dating everywhere you look. Who cares? That doesn’t have to be your path. Wait. It will happen. Your whole life does not need to be focused on finding someone to be with.
Don’t be with someone because you hate the absence of someone.
Relationships are beautiful. Love is a wonderful thing but stick to daydreaming for now. Just because it seems all of your friends are engaged does not mean you have to be in a rush. There is no ‘ticking clock’ on love.
13. You can make mistakes and still be a good person
I’m currently attempting veganism…yeah it’s hard. The other day I ate a rice crispy treat without realizing marshmallows are gelatin which are made with animal parts. I’M SORRY OKAY! I’m still a good person I think, right?
That’s the tamest example I have because I don’t want to admit to some of my horrible mistakes for all of the internet to see.
Point being – you’re allowed to screw up. We are so hard on ourselves when we make mistakes which is wonderful because it means we care, but you’re still a good person even after your 100th mistake. Forgive yourself for that stupid thing you said ten years ago that keeps you up at night. It takes a brave heart to admit when they are wrong or that they messed up. Be brave! It shows yourself and others that you care.
14. Celebrate small victories
Finally being able to do big-girl push ups. Finding a new song that you want to listen to all day. Walking down the stairs just as your train arrives. Running into an old friend. Payday. A joke that makes you laugh so hard it hurts. These are examples of small victories that we take for granted. These small victories have the power to change the way we view our day. My mom calls them ‘little blessings’. Small fleeting instances that if unappreciated, will fly away as quickly as they came. Celebrate the amazing things you accomplish everyday whether big or small.
I had an amazing time in college. I learned so much and met friends I will have for my lifetime BUT it’s not the end. College is a four year long bubble where you begin to grasp who you are. Life outside of college forces you to come face to face with the person you’ve become. Become the best version of yourself and love it. I wish I could have told myself then that it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter what other people thought or said about me, it didn’t matter if they didn’t like who I am because I like who I am and that is what is important. I wish I could have said this isn’t it, life has just begun!!
My über driver the other night (because uber drivers are blessings) said “Always remember to love yourself the minute you wake up”. You will spend so much time with yourself. You will not constantly be surrounded by peers, friends, family, coworkers as often as you used to be. You will spend a lot of time alone. Don’t ever forget to love who you were, who you are, and who you are going to be. You are capable of greatness.
To be completely honest, life is a blessing. Grab it by balls and kick some ass. You are so worth every minute you will spend on this earth.
Cheers!
Maggie
Here are a few books that have helped me along my journey and inspired me to write this post:
Tiny, Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed
Daring Greatly by Brenè Brown
Women Who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estès
and of course I am always inspired by Beyonce’s instagram.
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