My name is Maggie and I am an instagram addict. Nothing gets me going quite like a fake laugh, vsco filter, and a witty caption. Okay I’m being a little dramatic but I do love taking pictures. We’ve all seen the picture perfect tummies, smoothie bowls, couple pics on the beach, quotes. We’ve all been trained to envy that. To longingly wait to break free of the tight grasp that orange and purple camera, little white birdie and blue F icons have on u
As my instagram shows, I am currently residing on a cruise ship. But contrary to what my instagram shows, I haven’t gone outside for the last two days. Don’t get me wrong, my life is pretty beautiful right now and I am so unbelievably happy it’s crazy BUT I spend most of my day inside an air conditioned theatre rehearsing or performing shows or inside my cabin sleeping or reading or watching movies or sitting in coffee shops in ports face timing my family. I post photos from the exciting “instagram worthy” parts of my week that I spend on a beach or on the top deck of the ship or dressed up with my friends. If I posted a photo of myself in this current moment, you would see the bags under my eyes, sitting cross legged on my bed in sweatpants and unwashed hair waiting to be put in a wig cap for my show tonight. Slap a filter on it and it’s pretty exciting stuff huh?
Hey you! This one is for you. Men, women, everyone. Whenever you doubt your power. Whenever society makes you feel small or like you’re doing something wrong. Whenever your headspace gets clouded with self doubt. When you hate your body. When you compare yourself.
Let’s take back our lives. Take it back from the clutches of social media, society’s standards, people’s opinions. Take it, run and never look back.
Thought #1 Insta models don’t have love handles
In my first blog post ever (which you can read here) I talked about an app that could manipulate the way your body, face and smile is shaped. It can add makeup, whiten your teeth, slim your nose, tighten your stomach…all inside this free app made for smart phones. I wrote that post in 2015. Well, it’s 2017 and let me tell you…I watched a woman on the train using her finger to visibly slim her photographed stomach to ‘perfection’. I get it. It’s a cause and effect. You see someone’s perfect (possibly edited as well) body on instagram, you envy it, you discover this app, you try it, you receive praise for your now (fully edited) body thus beginning a cycle with some other woman on the train.
Well, as you can see, I tried it. The left is unedited. The right is edited. Noticeable enough that I myself can tell but still pretty believable (completely unreal if you actually know me though because cmon I don’t look like that). How completely revolting is that? WE HAVE APPS THAT CAN MAKE YOU THINNER. Do we even realize how disgusting that is? What is so wrong with us that we feel we have to edit away? How can we preach body empowerment and body positivity when things like this exist? What’s the point of taking a photo of yourself if you’re simply going to change everything about it?
Instagram shows the highlight reel of someone’s life. It shows the happiest, sexiest, skinniest, best smiled, best hair day-ed version of someone. It fails to show the 50+ pictures taken before the right one finally is, the hours in the gym trying to look like someone you saw online, the tears, the moments without good lighting or a filter. Those beautiful vulnerable sunny moments.
The following thoughts are based on real life tweets that I found absolutely whole-heartedly absurd…enjoy!
Thought #2 Marriage isn’t where your story begins
Movies usually end with a big beautiful wedding, a big beautiful kiss or reassurance that the two will end up together forever which is all well and good (I mean I’m an actor, I love stories). As humans we spend our whole lives looking for the next thing. We do well in high school so we can get into a good college, we do well in college so we can get a new job, we become settled in a job so we move onto marriage and so on…we are constantly waiting to create the perfect life so that our life can actually begin.
“Now and then it’s good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.” -Apollinaire
NEWS FLASH! Your life is now. It’s happening literally RIGHT NOW. Marriage isn’t when your story begins. Your story has begun and your chapters are flying by while you’re busy worrying about who you’re going to spend the latter half of your book with. (I use book metaphors a lot if you’ve read my other blogs too…I read a lot). All the ‘hard things’ that are happening right now will be worth it when you wake up and realize you’re stronger than before. You don’t need a pretty house, the love of your life and cute kids to wake up happy. Wake up and choose your happily ever after. In this moment. Not later. Now.
Thought #3 Who makes this shit up?
In high school I used to get finger cramps from pressing my phone so much to check to see if he had texted me. (‘He’ is the generalized pronoun I’m using for many different high school cuties). We would have conversations at lunch like “yeah he texted me yesterday so I’m going to wait two days and maybe he’ll text me again or should I just text him?” The sad thing is those conversations continued throughout college. I’m happy to say I haven’t heard a comment of that nature in awhile but then again all my friends and I do is drink wine and hang out with each other so I’m out of touch.
In the 50s, you could go on as many dates as you wanted but you were not going ‘exclusively steady’ until Joe gave you his letterman jacket, so if Billy wanted to ask you to the dance, you could still say yes. Nowadays…we assume that if Joe likes your instagram and texts you “hey” then only takes 4 mins to reply, you’re together exclusively monogamously one forever…back off Billy I’m committed. Well let me tell you…until that boy (or girl, I’ve been the one to ask before) says ‘HEY YOU I think we should only kiss each other and you should be my girl/boyfriend’…you can do whatever you want. Of course, there is a level of respect in every beginning of a relationship but try not to base how serious your relationship is on how long your snap streak is.
When did flirting become synonymous with texting, instagram likes, a yellow heart next to their name on snapchat and tagging each other in memes (I do that too but still)? Who made these shitty rules up about who is going to contact who first? The real problem is everyone knows it too. Everyone knows about these unspoken rules put in place and then sees tweets like these and agrees. Don’t be afraid to disagree. Break the mold. Use your power to do what you want. Let’s make our own rules and stop letting them tell us what to do. But really guys…I actually don’t know who makes these up…someone please tell me…
Thought #4 Post an Insta so I know it’s real
I grabbed coffee with an old friend from home while I was visiting my family. At the time (this was a few years ago), I had a boyfriend. We were on a break (which never works…I’ll probably write a blog about that eventually). I was very unhappy and had been very unhappy for awhile but I was still figuring out what to do. During coffee with said old friend, he said, “you and your boyfriend are so cute, I love all of your pictures on instagram, I’m so glad you are so happy”. At that point, I realized how skewed people’s perception of my relationship was…and it was partially my fault. They didn’t see the fights, the tears, the uncertainty…they only saw the I love you’s. By posting my ‘happiness’ for the world to see and receiving compliments and ‘aw you’re so cutes’…it proved to the world I was happy so therefore I was obviously happy, right? I was trying so hard to prove to everyone else I was romantically fulfilled that I forgot I actually deserved to be.
(I’ll say it again…YOU DESERVE TO BE WITH A PARTNER WHO MAKES YOU HAPPY AND FULFILLED IN ALL SENSE OF THE WORDS)
Anyways…I’ve had many conversations with people regarding social media and relationships. Their partner getting mad at something they posted (usually a ‘too sexy’ or including another woman/man…jealousy is a crazy emotion I guess), a partner getting mad when a birthday or anniversary post is neglected, or my favorite…neglected to post a photo of the two of them to once again prove to the world that they are happily together. I’ve also heard the never-ending debate of whether or not to be ‘Facebook Official’. Do it. Don’t do it. Post so many photos. Post so many long paragraphs of love. Or don’t post anything. Who cares?
Whenever I hear these conversations, I’m honestly confused…maybe I’m the weird one…but it feels like we’re all new puppies that feel the need to mark their territory by peeing on the refurbished wooden coffee table Aunt Polly bought as an anniversary gift. But instead of peeing, we post instagrams to show other puppies what is ours. Maybe we’re just getting in touch with our animalistic side…or maybe we should calm the eff down and embrace the freedom and mystery of our relationship…because at the end of the day, no one needs to know how you feel but you and that someone.
Thought #5 I became exponentially happier when I stopped giving a shit what other people think about me.
Of course, I struggle with this everyday especially in a profession so focused on opinions, pleasing others, looking a certain way, etc. But I think the shift happened a few weeks after I graduated college. Why was I letting other people make me feel shitty for being who I was? I decided to stop caring what other people thought about me. I decided to care about what I thought about me…how much I valued myself and the hard work I do and the people most important to me…and what’s funny is those usually all go hand in hand. People are going to talk about you. They might say really hurtful things about you behind or even in front of your back. Let them. The people you need in your life, the one’s that stop to ask you how you are, the one’s that listen, the one’s that want your advice, those are the people who would never make you feel small and those are people you listen to, you stick with forever.
Decide to stop letting other people influence the way you live your life. Decide to stop letting other people’s opinions of you or your choices affect your overall happiness. You’re busy being your awesome self anyways. (Suck on that girls that used to run away from me at recess in middle school…no I haven’t forgotten) Let those haters fuel your fire to never stop being yourself. Stop letting other people determine whether or not your day is going to be magical.
Now I’ll be positive about social media:
We live in a world where information is at our fingertips. We are able to learn something new at any moment of the day if we wanted to. (not on a ship though because wifi is expensive). We are able to send photos of the latte we’re drinking to our moms. I get to see selfies of my beautiful stunning strong girlfriends. We can follow what our families are doing back home, what our friends are doing all over the country and the world. We are able to connect and share experiences with people millions of miles away. Let’s not take for granted how incredibly amazing and life-changing technology and social media has become to us. Let’s just remember that the lives we ourselves are living are just as amazing and no phone screen should ever make you question that.
xoxo
Mags
I have a badass friend back in NYC who sent me this video. It talks about how our generation fails to take experiences to memory because we’re so focused on preserving moments in photo form. Give it a watch!
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