Part one. I write part one because it will force me to reference this in the future to write a part two and forcing myself to write has proven to be fun. More on that later. I’ve begun writing this on April 25th which puts me almost exactly halfway through my contract. In a recent letter to a friend, I wrote, “If you had told me back then that I would be writing you this letter on a floating vessel captained by Mickey mouse in the middle of the Caribbean ocean, I would have laughed in your face.” Maybe not literally laughed in her face but at least giggled and said “no way *chugs wine*”. Which brings me to my first point: Life is funny because you never know what the hell is going to happen next. I recently read Lauren Graham’s book Talking as Fast as I Can (highly recommended – see my book list below) in which she writes that if life gave us exactly what we wanted, it wouldn’t be a life, it’d be a vending machine. True story Lauren – oh how wonderful it would be if I could wish for a Reese’s, throw $1.25 in the air and it would appear.
This happens to be my first time aboard a ship. Except for this one time, when I was on a Catamaran, I threw up over the side into the ocean…but I’m happy to report that has not happened here yet. I was lucky enough to grow up around the ocean…Arizona has an ocean…it’s 6 hours away and called California. Regardless, I now walk outside in the mornings, afternoons, nights, whenever really, and see blue, black, turquoise sometimes teal colored water as far as I can see. The line between sky and ocean sometimes so faint you can barely tell where it ends and begins. At night you can’t see anything. The word that comes mind is vast. Other than the word ‘vast’, I’ve got nothing else to say. Vast.
Thought #1 Stop and smell the grass A few weeks into my new life here, while walking in one of the ports to lunch, I stopped and yelled, “Look! Grass!”. Shut up Maggie grass isn’t cool. Well to me in that moment, it was pretty cool. I hadn’t walked through grass or at least stopped to realize I was walking through grass in a while…granted, when is the last time anyone looks down and thinks oh I’m walking through grass so I’m most likely being dramatic with my realization…but still, seeing grass was an exciting time in my week and it even made it into my journal. Moral of the story: I’ve gotten better at appreciating the small things…things I never realized were a vital part of my happiness. I’ve had to write down “go outside” in my planner because as hard as it is to believe, going outside is not a daily thing if you don’t make it one. I can get around and do what I need to do without ever stepping foot into real life air. Also, Coffee is a gift from up above. Not that I’ve ever doubted that but this experience has engrained that simple fact even deeper into my soul. I can only name a few things more magical that that first sip of coffee in the morning. Coffee, grass and un-recycled real-life oxygen: three things that I will never take for granted.
Thought #2 No overweight fees Moving around so much has resulted in giving away numerous clothing items, jewelry, books, shoes, etc. It wasn’t until these past few months I realized I don’t need so many THINGS. Not only do I never know where my life is headed climate-wise (i.e. Toronto, Canada to the Caribbean to Arizona to Colorado to NYC…what), but it’s also pretty satisfying being able to fit your whole life in two suitcases under 50 pounds (suck on that Southwest).
Thought #3 Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me? I was very sure of myself when I moved to New York. I was confident with who Iwas, how I handled situations and how I acted towards others. I had learned my faults, accepted them and was able to maneuver through life comfortably. Well, let me tell you, I think I got a little too confident that I knew who I was because these past few months have really tested me in ways I could not have thunk up. I have found myself relearning my own personality traits, reactions and thoughts…taking steps back in my self discovery only to run forward once more. No astrology chart on earth could have told me some of the weird things I have figured out. I have come face to face with the realization that similarly to the world around us, people around us, situations around us, we are constantly moving and evolving. We change every day, every minute even. Sometimes our own thoughts or actions surprise even ourselves…so me thinking I knew everything I could about myself was silly…there’s so much more for me to learn…and I’ll never stop learning or growing until that fateful day I am eaten by a shark and die (my personal death choice). I have now embraced the daily test of who I am and who I have and will become. There will never (I think) be a day where we wake up and think, Oh right! This is who I will be forevermore never changing ever again. Give yourself a break. It is okay to still be figuring out who you are.
Thought #5 Make your own Success What is success? When do you know if you are truly successful? Is success synonymous with happiness? Why do I think it’s cool to start these paragraphs with questions? We are put on this earth to create a life. To live a life. Your success is your own. It is the life you choose to make it. No one can take that choice away from you. We are here to live a life not a business plan. I used to see only one route for how I wanted my life to go. I wanted these things and in order for them to happen, I had to do A B and C and I mean I obviously cannot travel or I cannot do this or that because I NEED to maintain that route I had planned. But the fact is, there is a limited amount of time for us, so what makes life worth living for you? There are endless opportunities awaiting your choice. It’s going to be okay. More than okay. We spend so much time trying to create the perfect life that we forget to live the one happening now. Do what you want to do, live the life you want to live because at the end of your time here, what is going to be there waiting for you if you don’t?
Thought #6 I’m not drunk, I just work on a ship I am about to get really metaphorically stoner hippie on you but stay with me. There are times when I am walking down the hallways here and as I step back down, I stumble because the floor moves. Of course it moves…you’re on a ship stupid. Not only does this rocking make simple acts such as walking down the hallway significantly more challenging because everyone looks drunk but don’t even get me started on doing yoga (while attempting a handstand, the ship rocked thus crashing me into the wall resulting in bruising and embarrassment). There are so many times when we think we know where we’re headed, are so confident in where the universe is leading us then BAM the ship rocks and you fall. So you pick your foot back up, adjust to the rocking and walk once more. Adjust. Accept the stumbles or in the case of the handstand, epic falls and walk again. Life is the most bipolar, inconsistent, hormonal rocky ship so adjust to where it takes you as you walk and go with it. Okay metaphor done, you survived.
Thought #7 I’m running out of witty names for these Your truth lies in your free time. You are your truest self in your free time. Of course you’re still ‘you’ when you’re at work or with others, but you are stuck being ‘you working’ or ‘you with your friends’, you are just simply ‘you’ in your free time. Make sense? Who you are when you are alone with nothing to do but be alone is who you are…so pay attention to your free time. Your thoughts. Your inner monologue. One of my favorite books is Wild by Cheryl Strayed…I’ve read it twice. In it, she writes at the deathbed of her mother who says “I’ve always been a daughter, wife and mother. I never got to just be me”. We only get a limited number of hours, minutes, to be alone. Embrace the truth that is ‘you’ during your alone time and carry that ‘you’ into the rest of your day.
Thought #8 Don’t read my diary I tried to keep a diary when I was younger. I even tried writing about the boy I had a crush on because that’s what the girls in movies write in their diaries, right? I think the diary lasted about a week along with the boy who probably threw rocks at me at recess (definitely threw rocks…I remember you) so I gave up. Well now I’m happy to report that keeping a journal…because it’s a JOURNAL not a diary…diaries are for dorks…is one of my greatest joys. I actually keep three journals now. Being able to write thoughts as they come into my head and not care if they’re run-on sentences, one word, or even doodles is therapeutic. It’s like word vomit that no one else can see or understand (I have bad handwriting) or have to clean up. We so often fail at speaking candidly or honestly so why not write instead? I promise, diaries aren’t just for middle school girls.
Thought #9 What’s the latest Kardashian drama? You don’t know what you got til it’s gone. I find that line running through my head when I think about my lost cell phone service and nonexistent wifi. Just putting it out there, I never realized how heavily we depend on our phones until I can barely use mine. My life is on my phone. It is my connection to my family, friends, pop culture, even world news. On the few days of the week I am fortunate enough to find free wifi, I walk back to the ship with a headache from staring at my tiny phone screen for hours on end. And you know what, it’s okay. How amazing is technology that we can find such information at our fingertips…and are able to order things from Amazon with same day shipping. But I’m working on it…the whole ‘not needing to check your phone’ thing. I had a yoga teacher who suggested buying a real alarm clock instead of using our phone; that way, our phone wouldn’t be the first thing we reach for in the mornings. From experience, I did it and it helps…but then again, I don’t have any other choice because my phone is currently unusable. Baby steps, right?
Thought #10 I tried to type that with just my left hand because I was eating a scone with my right hand I have met the most wonderful people this past year. I cannot even begin to describe how grateful I am for all of my new friends. On that note, living on a ship has taught me just how fast people can become your family when you let them. They accept me for who I am, flaws and all. Taking it back to Thought #3: just as you yourself are still figuring out who you are, so are others. We must remember we are all on this giant spinning planet figuring it out together so don’t forget to forgive. The people we meet throughout our lives are the catalysts for our daily growth.
We put so much emphasis on ME ME ME. I am the biggest advocate for alone time, for figuring out who you are…seriously, see ANY of my other blog posts…I don’t shut up about it. Doing things for yourself and learning to be alone is one of the most important lessons you can learn. I think the biggest realization I have had in my time here is that without other people, life would be freaking boring. We are here to forge relationships with others, to love, dislike, annoy, hug, kiss, converse with others, to get our hearts broken, to dance on tables, to find your dream job, to make huge mistakes, to laugh. You can create the most amazing life for yourself, be so sure in who you are, but if you have no humans to share that with, what’s the point dude? If we spend our whole lives too busy worrying about ourselves, getting ahead in our careers, creating the perfect life for ourselves, we miss out on what it’s actually about. Once again, It’s going to be okay. You don’t have to be perfect. Do things for yourself but don’t forget to look around. Take a breath. Love in all of its forms is all around you. Accept it. Bathe in it. Share it.
Thought #11 Anything is possible, if you just believe
If working for disney has taught me one thing, it’s that all of your dreams can come true if you believe in yourself. I am a firm believer in sending positive energy and thoughts into the universe in order to receive them back. Magic is real. I promise. I see it everyday. Your dreams are the thing your deepest of heart knows to be true so believe in them. Believe in yourself and the dreams you dream because those are the most important parts of you that no one can take away.
xxx
Mags
Epilogue aka my book list:
I like reading more than I like coffee. I read embarrassingly fast and can sit in my room for hours alone just reading. I’m pretty sure I have actually injured my neck from holding my head up to read so much. That was dramatic and untrue. Being on a ship without wifi or contact to the outside world has left me with as much time to read as I could ever ask for. Here my dear sexy friends, is a list of the books I have read so far:
1. You are a Badass by Jen Sincero // Fun, inspiring, honest self-help book designed for anyone. 2. Wild by Cheryl Strayed // my second time through and once again, beautiful. If you want to hear someone speak from their heart, gut and soul which is something we so often fail to do, give this a read. 3. When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalahithi // Truly one of the most thought provoking and beautiful books I have read. Written by a neurosurgeon diagnosed with lung cancer. Still processing this one so I don’t have many words yet. 4. Missing You by Harlan Coben // Detective thrillers are my guilty pleasure…I read at least one a month…I am the daughter of a retired cop I guess. 5. The Alchemist by Paulo Cohelo // Second time through this one too. Happens to be my favorite book of all time. 6. Drunk Tank Pink & other forces that shape how we think, feel and behave by Adam Alter // Psychology based non-fiction that examines how our environment affects our personality 7. Talking as Fast as I Can by Lauren Graham // Never watched Gilmore Girls or Parenthood but finished this in two days. She writes candidly as an actress in NYC about her side jobs, equity, and being single. She’s hilarious and inspirational. Please please please read. (Thank you to my Disney friend Nick who lent me his copy) 8. The Girls by Emma Cline // Another brilliant cult-based thriller. Her writing style is eerily descriptive and fascinating. Any fan of Gone Girl needs this one.
Now I’ve officially stopped talking. Goodbye xo
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